Everything I’ve ever desired has always been right at the tip of my fingers for my entire life; I want that jacket- I buy it; I want that new phone- I get it; I want to go to Clemson- I go.
I decided to go to law school, and that’s where I learned that I will not always get exactly what my heart desires. Life has a funny way of teaching lessons about being humble, and trusting that God knows better than I do about where I need to be. Now I’m getting what I need instead of getting what I wanted.
I spent months doing what I needed to do to apply to law school, only to wait months to get an email stating that I had been wait-listed at my first choice. There you have it, my first real rejection. Well, I guess technically it’s not a “rejection,” but try telling me that mid-crisis. I’ve treated it as a rejection though, and that’s the reason I’m so much happier and at peace now.
I graduated from Clemson in December unsure of myself or what I wanted out of life. Within a few weeks of graduating, I got my first real job. (The reason I haven’t blogged in six months). I loved working in the political world, and it was an experience I wouldn’t trade for anything. I can’t wait to be a part of it again sometime soon. It confirmed that I had chosen the right major, and that I knew myself a little better than I thought. I was just missing the confidence needed to make it work. My job brought me that confidence, and it showed me that I was on the right path, even if there were going to be a few roadblocks.
The day I found out I had been hired I was also accepted into the other law school I applied to. I pushed it off to the side because I was so sure I would get into my first choice. I let the date go by for the deposit to hold my seat at my second choice school.
My first real problem in all of this was realizing that no matter what I did, I would never make the score on the LSAT that I needed. Standardized tests have always been my downfall, and I cried my eyes out when I got my second round of LSAT scores in. I knew I was in for an uphill battle at that point.
I was angry with myself after I was wait-listed. I was disappointed, and I felt like I was letting everyone else down too. Like a dog with his tail tucked between his legs, I called the dean at my second choice school and asked to have my seat back. Thankfully, he said yes.
I spent so much time being angry and upset that I wasn’t getting what I wanted, and I almost missed what could end up being a great experience. Anger takes away your ability to see long-term, and it made me act like a spoiled brat for a while; if I wasn’t getting my first choice I didn’t want it. I’m so glad I had people showing me that success can come in different ways. Sometimes my Type A personality is the biggest curse. I often forget to just let life happen, because I’m too busy hatching a plan.
I’ve always known what I wanted out of life. I almost missed out on it though, because I was so wrapped up in what I thought I wanted instead of what I needed. I’m excited about the new path I’m following. I don’t spend nights awake wondering if I will be as successful as I could be if I were to attend the first choice school. I understand now that my success is determined by me, and not the school I attend.
My focus over the next three years will remain on three things: my relationship with God and my loved ones, graduating law school, and letting life happen instead of worrying about whether it will happen the way I have planned.